Tracking, tapping, controlling – The rise of tech abuse in family law

There was a time when domestic abuse meant threats behind closed doors, reading someone’s post or bank cards being held hostage.

Now, it’s thermostats being turned up to 30°C in the middle of the night. It’s WhatsApp messages being read before you’ve had the chance to see them yourself. It’s the ex-partner who knows exactly when you leave the house – because your phone is telling them.

Domestic abuse hasn’t just moved online – it’s plugged in, charging, and hiding in plain sight, and for those of us who work on family law matters, it’s becoming impossible to ignore.

What domestic abuse looks like now

We’re seeing digital forms of abuse creep into more of our cases, more of our client conversations, and more of the evidence we need to build.

The problem is, it doesn’t always look like abuse. Not at first at least. It might look like a shared calendar. A perfectly normal baby monitor. A helpful GPS tracker “for safety.”

These things are widely available, cheap, and often legal to own, making the misuse of this technology so much harder to pin down.

A lot of the time, clients aren’t even aware it is happening to them. All they know is that somehow, their ex always seems to be one step ahead.

Perhaps they know your exact location, or they start bringing up something you mentioned in a private conversation they had no part in and have no business knowing.

Legal protections do exist – but they’re still catching up

To their credit, the family courts are catching up, but the protections are still not quite where they need to be when it comes to tech control.

The Serious Crime Act 2015 enforced that controlling or coercive behaviour in an intimate or family relationship is a criminal offence. That includes using technology to monitor, isolate or frighten someone (even without physical violence).

Still, recognising these behaviours, gathering evidence, and securing the right orders isn’t always easy.

The Domestic Abuse Act 2021 gave us, for the first time, a statutory definition of domestic abuse that includes psychological, emotional and economic abuse – as well as coercive control after a relationship ends.

While injunctions can be put in place to prohibit harassment, including via text or phone calls, they don’t always address the subtleties of tech-facilitated control or surveillance.

What advice can you get from a family solicitor about digital domestic abuse?

Sometimes, it’s not the law that’s the problem – it’s the lack of awareness of how abuse has changed and as family law solicitors, it’s our responsibility to step in and provide support.

We can help you think of and address the questions you may not have even considered, for instance:

• Who has access to your cloud storage, like Google Drive, iCloud or Dropbox?
• Are any of your devices – phones, tablets, laptops – still logged in to an account your ex had access to?
• Has anyone else set up or controlled your home security cameras, doorbells, or smart speakers?
• Are any of your passwords still shared, reused, or stored in someone else’s browser or password manager?
• Do you share a calendar or location service, like Find My iPhone, that’s still active?
• Are messages or calls being forwarded to another device without your knowledge?
• Are there any unexplained battery drains, data usage spikes or changes in your phone settings?
• Have you been locked out of any of your own accounts – email, social media, banking?
• Are your children’s devices set up with parental controls or app access you didn’t approve?

These aren’t paranoid questions – they’re necessary ones, and being tech-aware doesn’t mean you have to become an IT expert suddenly, either. It just means thinking beyond the usual boundaries.

Does the family law system need to make changes for domestic abuse matters?

Tech abuse isn’t a separate issue. It’s domestic abuse, full stop.

If we want the law to reflect the lived realities of victims of abuse, we need to speak up. Abuse doesn’t always leave bruises, and it’s about time we, as a society, recognise and address this.

That means:

• Clearer definitions in legislation.
• Stronger digital provisions in protective orders.
• Training for judges, lawyers, and frontline professionals that goes beyond the basics.
• Having a willingness to listen when victims say they feel watched, followed, or digitally controlled.

While laws in England and Wales, like the Serious Crime Act 2015 and the Domestic Abuse Act 2021, are a step in the right direction, they need to be applied with an understanding of how digital abuse works in practice.

Family lawyers have always had to look beyond what’s being said to understand what’s really going on. Now, we need to look beyond what’s being shown, too, so our clients are free to live without being monitored, manipulated, or digitally trapped.

It’s time the system caught up with the tech. The stakes are far too high not to.

If you believe your ex is trying to use technology to control, isolate or intimidate you, please get in touch with our family law solicitors for expert guidance.