Is domestic abuse still seen through a gendered lens?

In the last few days, a brief yet striking clip of French President Emmanuel Macron appearing to be shoved in the face by his wife (Brigitte Macron) as they exited an aircraft has circulated widely online.

Although The President initially dismissed the clip as a “joke” and “teasing”, the incident has sparked a much-needed conversation about society’s perception of domestic abuse.

It wasn’t just the act itself that raised eyebrows, but the rapid retreat from seriousness, the eagerness to explain away a moment of physical aggression simply because the recipient was a man.

Domestic abuse doesn’t discriminate

Almost by default, when someone hears of a case of domestic violence, they picture a male perpetrator and a female victim.

While it is true that women experience domestic abuse at disproportionately high rates, the narrative becomes incomplete and, at times, harmful when we fail to acknowledge that abuse can and does happen to men as well.

According to figures from the Office for National Statistics (ONS), an estimated 1.6 million women and 712,000 men in the UK aged 16 years and over experienced domestic abuse in the last year.

That equates to approximately 6.6 per cent of women and 3.0 per cent of men.

The ONS research also highlights that one in seven men and one in four women will be a victim of domestic abuse in their lifetime.

These numbers tell a complex story. While men account for a smaller proportion of reported victims, hundreds of thousands suffer in silence, often battling stigma, shame, and disbelief when they seek support.

Many feel that their experiences will be minimised, laughed off, or, worse, dismissed altogether.

The danger of the double standard in domestic abuse

The reaction to the Macron footage illustrates this societal discomfort. The incident was quickly downplayed, reframed as harmless bickering between spouses. However, for many observers, it struck a nerve.

Would the public and media have reacted the same way if the roles had been reversed? Almost certainly not. In that contrast lies a revealing double standard.

Some may argue that the clip is being blown out of proportion, but this isn’t merely about one isolated moment.

It’s about what that moment represents. Physical aggression, no matter how fleeting or seemingly trivial, should not be dismissed simply because the perpetrator is female and the victim male.

To excuse or downplay such behaviour based on gender is to reinforce a narrative in which some victims are believed, and others are not.

Male victims of domestic abuse deserve to be heard

The uncomfortable truth is that abuse doesn’t always fit the stereotypes we’ve come to expect. There aren’t always visible bruises or raised voices behind closed doors.

Often, abuse manifests as sustained verbal belittling, coercive control over finances, or the slow, insidious undermining of a person’s sense of self. Sometimes, it’s even a fleeting gesture caught on camera that belies a deeper, more complicated dynamic.

As family law solicitors, we have seen firsthand the emotional toll abuse can take. Male victims often face unique barriers to coming forward, such as their fears of being disbelieved, mocked, or stripped of their masculinity.

The legal system, support services, and wider society must ensure male victims of domestic abuse are heard and are not left behind.

We encourage all individuals, men and women alike, who are experiencing abuse to seek help.

Domestic abuse is never acceptable, whether physical, emotional, financial, or psychological, and everyone deserves to feel safe in their own home and relationship.

Changing the narrative of domestic abuse

The family court system has made strides in recognising coercive control and emotional abuse, but male victims remain underrepresented in reporting and under-supported in services.

If we truly want to address domestic violence, we must be willing to have uncomfortable conversations. That includes acknowledging that men can be victims, too.

Brushing off certain behaviours as “teasing” or “banter” only fuels a culture where abuse goes unrecognised and unreported.

Let’s commit to a more inclusive understanding of domestic abuse. One that recognises the reality, supports all victims equally, and refuses to excuse harmful behaviour, no matter who it comes from.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic abuse, help is available. For confidential support, contact Attwaters Solicitors.